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Fulfillment@Work: WHAT I REALLY WANT
January 1, 1999

Welcome to the Fulfillment@Work Newsletter
Published by Joel Garfinkle, Dream Job Coaching
ISSN: 1533-3906


1. Question of the Day
2. What I Really Want, Part I
3. Quotes of the Week
4. What I Really Want, Part II
5. Did You Know?
6. Dream Job Coaching: What's New

Question of the Day

How do we get from our shoulds to our authentic wants or desires? Begin to be aware whether what you are asking for is what you really want. When you take the time to clarify what you want, you're more likely to ask for it and get it.

Feature Article
What I Really Want

If we think about it, we rarely ask for what we want. I mean what we really want. If we are being completely truthful with ourselves, we would never doubt ourselves and would be honoring exactly what we want most to do in every moment. Instead we live a life based on shoulds instead of wants.

Some shoulds that most people have are: I should work more than 40 hour weeks, I should exercise more, I should lose weight, I should get an advanced degree and become a doctor, accountant, or lawyer, I should stay at this job even when I'm not fulfilled, I should, I should, I should.

How do we get from our shoulds to our authentic wants or desires? Begin to be aware whether what you are asking for is what you really want. Next, it's important to continue practicing asking for what you want, whether small or large wants. For example, some little things you can ask for at work are: I want to leave early from work today, I want to take a 90 minute lunch, I want someone else to do the administrative tasks.

If you aren't clear on what you want, then your mind will be clouded with shoulds. Thus, you will have more hurdles to surmount to getting to what you want. When you take the time to clarify what you want, you're more likely to ask for it and get it.


Born as a want ...pure, clear and knowing my first breath escapes me. This breath leaves the mountain within ... where knowing sleeps in a warm bed of wants and desires.

I should, but what I really want is. The life of wants begins to weaken to a flickering glow I should ... I should ... I should ...

Pressing on my mind,
Entering my blood system,
Freezing my body and soul in time.

The death of shoulds begin to grow with in me. Breathing becomes suffocated with the shoulds of the world. Each cell of want replaced with the toxic cells of should from family, society and reality.

Year after year a forest of shoulds grow within me. One moment in time ... A lightening storm awakens the forest of shoulds. The flashing, penetrating light of true wisdom strikes down upon the tree of shoulds ... The true flower of wants is re-born.

I should, but what I really want is ...

The flower of wants shines with full color and light. The path of right action for all your wants of a lifetime is awakened.

I should, but what I really want is ...

The wants of exploring and knowing to places, far and near Where dreams lie ... The garden of dreams.

I should, but what I really want is ... People loving me. Passionate work. Feeling all of my power. Knowing what I desire.

Born as a want ... pure, clear and knowing my first breath escapes me. I come back to a place of wants, I call home.

If you want to learn how to Find Your Dream Job, click here:

If you want to learn about Executive Coaching, visit:

~ Joel Garfinkle
Dream Job Coaching:
Live Your Dream Life!

Quotes of the Week

The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.
~ Ben Stein.

Follow what you love. Don't deign to ask what they are looking for out there. Ask what you have inside. Follow not your interests, which change, but what you are and what you love.
~ Georgia Anne Geyer

What I Really Want

Eight ways to change your shoulds to wants.

  1. Ask yourself why questions. Every activity you engage in, ask yourself why are you doing this activity. Is it because you should or because you want to? By checking in with yourself, your awareness will increase and you are more likely to spend your time on things you want to do instead of things you think you should do.

  2. Have others remind you. Include people in your life who can remind you of what you really want. It becomes difficult to notice what we want, when we don't have someone supporting our new behavior pattern. If others remind you more of your shoulds, than your wants tell them of how they can best support you. Give a friend a list of things you want in your life and ask him/her to remind you.

  3. Know you are worthy. You are worth it and worthy of having wants in your life. We are brought up in a society that doesn't support this selfish attitude. It's necessary to change your beliefs so that you have everything you want in life.

  4. Begin every sentence with, What I want is ... Go through an entire day asking only this one question, What do I really want? You will become aware of how often you deprive yourself of things you need and want.

  5. Ask for what you want in a safe and trusting environment. Many people will not want to give you what you want, so you might feel like it's not worth asking. Start small. Choose a safe and nurturing environment where you'll feel less uncomfortable in asking for what you want. Little by little you'll be able to do the same in more challenging situations.

  6. Begin your day by asking for what you want. Every morning as you get out of bed and begin your day, take five minutes to become clear on what you really want from your day. As you make your list of wants, be aware of the shoulds that will creep in. Plan your day accordingly, with what you really want taking priority.

  7. Take Risks. Just go and do what you really want. Don't let your shoulds stop you from taking action. With courage, commitment and a supportive environment you will gain many rewards from making the right decisions based on your want.

  8. Spend time doing a writing exercise. Take at least five minutes to write down all the things you want. Don't stop even if the ideas seem foolish or impossible to do. Once you've completed the exercise, pick out one want activity that you can do for the upcoming year.

Did You Know?

Even the most talented are not immune from the curse of fear. When Johannes Brahms was only 20 years old, it was evident he was a musical genius of the first order. On a visit to his idol, Robert Schumann, the great composer was so impressed with Brahms's gift, both as a composer and as a musician, that Schumann declared that he had met the next Beethoven.

That did it for Brahms. For 23 years, he was unable to complete his first symphony for fear of having his work compared, unfavorably, to that of the surpreme musical figure of all time. "To write a symphony is no joke," said Brahms, as he agonized and the world waited.

Finally, the First was introduced in 1876. Schumann's prophecy proved true. Brahms's First Symphony was hailed as Beethoven's Tenth and has remained so popular that even today it is among the pieces most often performed in the classical repertoire. With the First at last, Brahms was able to chill out a bit, and he then went on to produce three more well-regarded symphonies in the remaining 20 years of his life.

Source: Mackay, Sharkproof, Harpor Business.

Dream Job Coaching: What's New

Two months ago, I attended the International Career Development Conference in Reno, NV. One of the sessions included information about occupation trends which I felt you would find insightful and helpful. Here are the projections from The Bureau of Labor Statistics:

1) Health and computer occupations account for all of the ten fastest growing jobs. Here is the projection of percent change from 1996-2006: - Data base administrators, computer support - 118% - Computer engineers - 109% - Systems analysts - 103% - Personal and home care aides - 85% - Physical therapy assistants - 79% - Home health aides - 77% - Medical assistants - 74% - Desktop publishing specialists - 74% - Physical therapists - 71% - Occupational therapy assistants - 69%

2) The best occupations that fit the following criteria: - above average earnings, - above average growth, - low unemployment are (this list is in order of highest employment growth): - Systems analysts - General Managers - Registered nurses - Teachers, secondary school - Clerical supervisors - Data base administrators and all other computer scientists

3) More then one-fifth of all jobs require a bachelor's or higher level degree.

4) Workers over 45 account for the largest share of the labor force. I attended many workshops given by some of the best career professionals in the world. From these innovate presentations, I've been able to upgrade my practice, workshop and value to my clients.

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