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Make Yourself Priority #1 [Dream Job Coaching]

Fulfillment @ Work

March 9, 2005
ISSN: 1533-3906


This issue of Fulfillment@Work focuses on two related issues: (1) putting yourself first and (2) the upcoming Group Coaching session. The topics are related because it's only when people realize the value of putting themselves first that they feel free to invest in their own fulfillment and find their dream job. Read this week's feature article, "There’s Nothing Selfish About Looking Out For #1," and you'll learn why that's so important.

When you participate in the group coaching experience, you'll learn that you're not alone in putting the desires and expectations of others before your own. Jodi Williams said, "By seeing other people in group coaching going through the same things, I realized almost everyone only does what society, friends or family think they should, not what makes them happy."

It's through insights like Jodi's that group coaching helps you expand your awareness of the options. Participants also work directly with me, so they benefit from my expertise and the collective wisdom of a group of people who are facing similar challenges.

If you have any questions about the group coaching process, email me at any time!


Group Coaching

Sign up by March 15th and get $100 off the first month.

Sign up now by email or call

Learn more!


Group Coaching - Next Session Begins April 6th

When the 7 Step Dream Job Process is used in a group environment, it is even more successful than when you follow it on your own. That's because the level of interaction and feedback within the group is high and possibilities are expanded to new levels by having multiple perspectives to draw from. With Joel's expert advice and the input from your colleagues, you'll accelerate your progress.

Here's what you'll receive when you enroll in a Group Coaching session:

1. $179 workbook FREE (one-on-one coaching clients pay the FULL workbook fee)

2. Networking and cross learning between fellow group coaching participants

3. Individual coaching during sessions

4. Being paired with a buddy to share the process

5. High-level interaction, feedback, and a new outlook

6. The know-how to find your dream job!

7. A savings of 55% off individual coaching rates.

8. A step-by-step methodical dream job process that utilizes over 100 exercises in a 241-page workbook.

Sign up now and save!

Receive $100 off the first month when you sign up by March 15th.
Session starts April 6th, 2005.

Email Joel to sign up or call 510-655-2010.

Learn more

There’s Nothing Selfish About Looking Out For #1
by Joel Garfinkle

Samuel Goldwyn, the internationally famous MGN producer, once confessed, "For as long as I can remember, whatever I was doing at the time was the most important thing in the world for me."

Unlike Mr. Goldwyn, so many people simply don’t know how to prioritize themselves or honor what their own needs are. In order to avoid being viewed as self-centered or narrow minded, they prioritize others first and concern themselves with everyone but themselves.

When you consistently focus on the priorities of others, finding the ideal career that matches who you are and your own natural gifts and talents becomes even harder to achieve. Often, I work with clients who have spent most of their life focusing on satisfying the needs and desires of others over what they really want rather than "looking out for #1."

Each and every time you put your own goals on the back burner for the priorities of others, it becomes easier to put off making the decisions that will truly make you happy. In order to help you break this dead-end cycle, here are the Top 10 Obstacles to Honoring Yourself:

  1. Not being clear. Not being clear about what you actually want, your intentions, desires, decisions, etc., because you fear if you are too clear, you might be wrong, get rejected, or be judged. So for the sake of getting along, you find it easier not to be clear and not to honor your needs.

  2. Not being committed. Prioritizing yourself over others involves being committed to yourself even if you meet resistance from friends, family, and other loved ones. In short, honor yourself first no matter what.

  3. Not confident of what you really want. Often, people who don’t honor themselves lack confidence in what they want and who they are. They question decisions and continue to look uncertain. It makes it easy for others to see that they lack confidence and so they take over and become the Alpha (the top dog) in the group or interaction.

  4. Not taking a stand (allowing outside circumstances to dictate your circumstances). Not being strong in what you believe or taking a stand is the perfect recipe for allowing other people’s circumstances to dictate your course in life. When you fear that any unpopular decision could be wrong or put you in a situation where others will judge you or question why you did what you did, it becomes convenient to allow circumstances to dictate, instead of yourself.

  5. Becoming wishy washy. By definition, wishy-washiness involves being non-committal or stuck between two different viewpoints. In other words, it seems safer to be wishy washy versus being clear, direct, and forward with your stance or priorities.

  6. Putting yourself second. Quite simply, playing second fiddle will always result in placing others' needs or priorities above your own.

  7. Fear of getting rejected or being wrong. Consult obstacle #4 for more information.

  8. Fear of the unknown. The fear of unknown or unexplored territory that could cause change, challenges, or anything to lead you away from the certainty you feel right now.

  9. Not able to make a decision. Choosing not to make a decision to accomplish your career priorities makes it even harder to know what you want or desire. Most people who can’t honor themselves also aren’t good at making decisions. They have too much doubt and question themselves too much, which causes indecisiveness.

  10. Being a perfectionist. Perfectionists fear being wrong or being rejected by someone else for being wrong. This causes them to decide not to make a decision due to the fear of making a wrong decision or one with negative consequences. I have even noticed that many of my clients choose to have others make decisions for them to absolve themselves of the responsibility for making a decision that could be the wrong one.

The best way to clear each of these hurdles is to put any energy you’re spending on worrying about any particular career roadblock into overcoming it in a positive way. Remember, these obstacles exist because of the energy you’re putting into them. Redirect that misplaced energy back to a positive place (i.e., your career goals and priorities) and you’ll conqueror that hurdle.

Or as George Lucas, another world famous movie mogul, once said, "You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles, and break through the brick walls that are always going to be put in front of you. If you don’t have that kind of feeling for what it is you’re doing, you’ll stop at the first giant hurdle."


"One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested."
-- E. M. Forster

"Passion is the fire that drives us to express who we really are."
-- Neale Donald Walsch

"The biggest mistake people make in Life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy."
-- Malcolm Forbes


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